Patrick: Why Helen Mirren?

Jeff: Because… she’s just so naked, isn’t she? It’s like she’s just got to get her clothes off. It’s like her breasts are afraid of the dark. When a Helen Mirren film comes on a telly that’s like a guarantee. Her name says: OK, boys, you better watch this one with a curtain shut!

– Coupling, season 1, “The Cupboard Of Patrick’s Love.”

Yeah, Red 2.  I saw the original Red as a Warren Ellis fan, even though the movie left the graphic novel behind about the time Bruce Willis left Mary-Louise Parker’s apartment.  I stayed because, as Ellis himself put it, “Helen Mirren with a sniper rifle. I mean, if you don’t want to see a film with Helen Mirren with a sniper rifle, I’m not sure I want to know you.”

(Clever fella, that Ellis.  Now can we get Transmetropolitan adapted in some format, already?)

Helen Mirren has been acting since the early 60s, and her sexiness shows no signs of abating; with every passing year it’s like she doesn’t so much age as become more Helen Mirren-like; by the time we reach the post-singularity future depicted in today’s comic, I fully believe she will exist as a transcended being of light, beyond mere humanity or even post-humanity.  Human eyes will be unfit, indeed incapable of merely looking at Helen Mirren, you will feel Helen Mirren, experience her flowing through you like the Force.

The Force of eternal hotness.

On a related note, last week, in an enjoyably awkward interview, Jon Stewart compared Jennifer Lawrence to a young Helen Mirren.  Does this mean we have a “type” here at The Sub-Basement, or is Stewbeef just on our wavelength?  And do you see it?

JLaw_YoungMirren This bodes well for Dame Jennifer Lawrence, circa 2053


We had a lot of fun coming up with the future Richmond and Mowrer, throwing around terms like “cyborg alien hybrid transhumant lifeforms” doing reviews of “brain implant entertainment units.”  But the tentacles?  That’s all Mowrer, and what I suspect he hopes is waiting for him after the singularity.  And all I can say to that is, “bidi bidi bidi.”