“No one in comics stays dead except for Bucky, Jason Todd, and Uncle Ben. Oh, Under The Hood? This looks interesting…”

– Unknown, 2005

“No one in comics stays dead except for Bucky and Uncle Ben. Now what’s this Winter Soldier thing I’ve heard about?”

– Unknown, 2008

“No one in comics–you know what, screw it.”

– Unknown, today

I mean, even Gwen Stacy has made return appearances, thanks to the Jackal.  Hell, over in Ultimate her clone has been a regular for longer than the original was.  If Dan Slott doesn’t currently have a plan for Uncle Ben’s return, some other writer down the road will almost certainly dig up the old fella, if only for some cheap shock value.

At this point, I was going to turn it over to you, faithful readers, and ask what comic book death you wanted to see overturned.  But then I realized…there aren’t that many left.  I mean, Superman, Batman, Aquaman, The Flash, Green Arrow, Green Lantern, the entire Green Lantern Corps, and that’s just on the DC side.  When you get over to Marvel, you have Jean Grey, whose whole deal is dying and getting better.  So who’s left?  The New Warriors?  Jor-el? Marla Jameson?  Or there’s Kyle Rayner’s girlfriend Alex DeWitt – at least she’ll be well-preserved.

WomaninRefrigerator

I kid, of course.  Gail Simone, please don’t hate me.

Next On TV Squared: Fred & Barney Meet The Thing ran on ABC Saturday mornings in 1979.  in real life, not just in your fever dreams.  The title is blatant false advertising, as The Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Thing never actually went anywhere near the town of Bedrock.  Instead, interspersed with new cartoons starring Messrs. Flintstone and Rubble, were the adventures of scrawny high-schooler Benjy Grimm.  When trouble struck (usually in the form of the Yancy Street Gang), Benjy would touch his magic rings together and proclaim, “Thing Rings, do your thing!” and take on his more familiar, rocky form.  This was an actual thing (if not the actual Thing), that actual people got paid to create.  Though, presumably, they were people who had never picked up a comic book.

Following a brief hiatus for retooling, the show returned as the slightly less thematically confusing Fred & Barney Meet The Shmoo.  Ben Grimm returned to the Baxter Building, and the matter was never spoken of again.